How to Seduce a Priest

How to Seduce a Priest

Bambi had always been such a good Catholic girl. And now her prayers had been answered. Her dear Father in Heaven had sent her a rich young suitor with a palatial abode and a fat income. And by suitor I mean Priest. And by palatial abode I mean church. And by fat income I mean the church collection basket.

Today, for the first time, Bambi had stayed behind after mass to pursue her new romantic interest, Priest Pablo. Unbeknownst to him, Bambi had set her sights on the innocent Italian. He had never been lustful before – indeed, his mind was purer than a shot of neat Vodka – but Bambi was determined that she would bed him before the day was out.

Bambi was a glutton for punishment

‘Brother, I need to speak with you,’ she whispered, the glimmer of fake tears appearing at the corners of her big doe eyes. ‘I… I’m in trouble’. Bambi was a master of fake confessions; she’d been doing it since the ripe age of seven. Now she was a grown woman, and knew exactly how to spin a white lie to get what she wanted.

‘Why, Bambi,’ the hunky little do-gooder responded. ‘Please, come here my child. Unload your troubles onto me.’ She walked towards him with a modest air of seduction. Bambi knew it would take a lot to turn a priest, a man devoted to faith and chastity, but she loved a challenge – and it didn’t get more exciting than this.

‘Well,’ she whispered. ‘I’ve been a very naughty girl and I need to be punished’.

‘Go on,’ Pablo replied. ‘I’m listening.’

Bambi knew she had to raise the stakes. She leant across the altar to grab a glistening chalice of freshly poured wine. ‘Oh my Sweet Jesus,’ she yelped. ‘Are you smuggling a votive candle in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?’.

Is that a votive candle in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me, Brother? (image: zimbio.com)

‘Well they don’t call me Brother Bulge for nothing,’ Priest Pablo whispered. As soon as the words escaped his heavenly lips, he immediately looked ashamed of himself. ‘I…. I’m so sorry, dear child. I have no idea where that came from. Evil forces must be working within me!’

‘Oh brother, aren’t you a naughty boy,’ Bambi responded, her eyes dancing with pleasure. ‘You should wash your mouth out with holy water’. He looked at her, his chocolate brown eyes grew dark with a mixture of guilt and desire. Bambi gently rested her creepy little hand on his muscular thigh. His mouth became drier than Holy Communion bread.

‘Oh come on, brother,’ urged Bambi. ‘NUN of this frigid behaviour please. A night with me is worth a lifetime in confession’. Bambi’s nipples were more erect than a chapel’s steeple.

(image: flickr.com)

Pablo slowly began to loosen his dog collar. ‘Feeling hot under the collar are we, brother’, Bambi sniggered. Slowly, she began to take off her fur coat, beneath which she was wearing, well, not much at all actually. Pablo eyeballed her skimpy underwear, her petite frame, her toned body. As he looked at her scarlet red pout, he couldn’t resist a moment longer.

‘Well,’ he said. ‘You know what they say: no pray, no lay’. And with that, he grabbed Bambi, threw her onto the altar, and ripped her pants off with speed and precision. Thankfully they were from Primark and tore easily.

Bambi was enamoured by Brother Bulge’s passion. She clocked the bulge beneath his thick, unsightly vestments. Jesus, he really is blessed. He removed his respectable robe and revealed a divinely muscular body which Bambi could only assume had been created in the image of God himself. Wide shoulders, tanned olive skin, rippling abs… Bambi’s holy hole grew wetter than a baptist’s hands.

Priest Pablo stared into Bambi’s abyss (image: resources1.news.com.au)

As Pablo slowly spread Bambi’s thighs apart, he resembled Moses parting the Red Sea; petrified but determined to enter the promised land. Before she knew it, Pablo’s snake had entered Bambi’s secret garden; her sacred jungle; her blessed bush. The priest drank heavily from the chalice of temptation, and devoured her fruitful assets as if it was the last supper.

Bambi wasn’t expecting Priest Pablo to last long – he was a virgin after all – but his performance surpassed all her evangelical expectations. After what felt like an eternity of sinful pleasures, she felt the holy sperm enter her body. In that moment a strange calm passed over her body. It was official: she was now a Holy Slut, and this was one hell of a Good Friday.